With the big, plastic, pregnant bellies still fresh in my mind but determined to get a stretchy pair of jeans I can actually button, I headed to the maternity section of Macy’s.
I had no idea Macy’s even had a maternity section. To get there, I had to first walk through the juniors section and thought to myself, I could still fit into any of these slutty clothes if I wanted to. Next, I had to journey through the wedding registry section, which reminded me of the days when shopping was fun.
I took it slow as I entered into the uncharted maternity section and tried my best to employ deep breathing techniques. In my quasi-state of chill, I was able to find two pairs of denim capris to try on. Success!
It turns out the dressing room is in a totally bizarre section next to maternity, I’ll call this the geriatric plus size section....am I still in Macy’s? Feeling, once again out of place, I tucked my head down, made myself small and quietly walked towards the fitting room amongst a sea of really large clothes. Suddenly a booming voice interrupts, ”Now those look really small!”
Thinking there is no way this could possibly be directed at me, I look up anyway to find a Macy’s employee pointing at the capris I’m about to try on.
[Dumbfounded pause followed by a wave of self-doubt] Am I that big already? Have I lost all judgement of what might fit on this new body of mine? Is this woman questioning whether or not I can get these pants up past my thighs? Ack, this is worse than I thought!
She continued, “Oooh, that's because they're maternity! And you're small!”
“Uh, yeah, I hope so...” was all I could muster as I continued walking into the dressing room.
So the timing with the wacky sales lady was a wee bit uncanny given the fact I was in a bizarre place, both mentally and physically, but the pants worked out great! And I'll have you know, they were actually a little big, if anything. I’m definitely bringing my sister next time.